Irrelevant

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I try to love you
Tenderly
And you move from me
Quickly
I try to love you
Tenderly
And you look at me
Strangely
I’ve been in this space before
These hands have been yours
My fingers have touched your face
Just as lightly
As this
But you shrink at them now
You blink at them now
You take them as an obscene gesture
Unwanted by you
Affronted by you
And honestly quite confusing to me
I see I have done you a harm of sorts
And honestly my first resort
Would have been to apologize sincerely
But you make it so hard
You hold all the cards
And I am uncertain as to what game we’re playing
You seem to want me to chase you
Up and down until you
Decide I am worthy of your time
It seems you want to play a bit
But honestly I’m getting sick
Of the shear repetitive nature of this game
There are 5 months of the year where you talk me
5 months where you decide you ought to see
How I’m doing
That’s less than 50 percent.
And the rest of the year is spent
Waiting for you to turn around again
Your back is facing me now
And when it was new I used to frown
And slump and stare at the sky
But lately I’ve had to laugh
Because right now staring at your back
I am happier than I have ever been
But, hey. Let’s play these games
Yeah. I know. It’s insane
And ridiculous. Yeah, that’s true.
But I’ll play despite
Because try as I might
I still love you. And want to tell you how happy I’ve been.

Eventually…

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Eventually you have to be you again.
Eventually I have to be me.
And it’s something I forget sometimes
When I’m trying to be someone else
When I lie on your thigh
Face buried
When I lie to it
Through my teeth
And tell you everything is just fine
Because I can’t lie to your face
When you look at me like you care
And only tears can express my gratitude
And only holding you can express my pain
And only kissing you can express my need
To leave myself
To leave my mind
And watch myself from a distance
Being that girl I could only be
If I weren’t me
And eventually I have to be me again.
But I’m afraid you’ve always been you.