All the me’s

I’m supposed to be

Kinda seem weird to me?

Like they don’t fit well
Or match properly
Like I’m a great black sheep
Amidst the crowded white wool
of my own life

Or a pair of tight fitted jeans
That look great on your thighs
And make your calves look phenomenal
But you can’t quite fit your butt into?

Like I stick myself in each situation
To try and alleviate all this internal tension
Caused by the images put before me
That squish me, and tug me, and try to tear me
Into
Too many pieces
For me to be comfortable
Completely Immobile

They all say what my parents used to say
If you’re gonna do anything
Then goddamn it
you do it all the way

If you’re gonna like this
then you must be that
And if you’re gonna be this
Then you’ve gotta do that

You have to choose who you are
And contort to that image
The middle ground doesn’t exist
There are no lines for you to balance upon
We do not negotiate
With potential threats
To our lifestyle

An androgynous woman is only well liked
On billboards
Magazine covers
And as the occasional hot silent sidekick
In action films

If I diverge from the crowd
I may become admirable
But am somehow now also
less accessible

Being odd makes you interesting
But it does not make you more liked
You may be easier to look at
But you’re somehow harder to talk to

But if I try
to be one of your
badly snipped strung out paper cutouts
We’ll both know I don’t belong there

There’s something about my presence?
Maybe?
It may be a bit of badly hidden disinterest
That’ll make you dislike me
Or maybe you see me struggling
To be seen simply
And it simply makes you uncomfortable
But I already hate conformity
However comfortable people say it should be
So does it matter?

You say it’s because I’m meant for something great
I say it’s because I’m meant for something normal
But great to you
Because it seems like an off beaten path
It feels like a fight for acceptance
It looks like something that makes you uneasy

But understand
That to me
It simply feels like normalcy
Because I can’t quite be
Anything else

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