Same Spot

imageI keep finding myself in the same damn spot

And I know what you’re going to tell me

You’re gonna say “Well, damn Faithe stop running in circles”

Sitting over there trying to be a smart ass

But I’m not!

It’s been like running on a treadmill

I’ve kept my eyes and my body facing one direction my whole life

Sprinting my ass off, pretty literally

Til the people in the back give me that one eyebrowed look that says “Damn, girl…”

And I relish in the fact that I can see them in the window

But even though I like it sometimes, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still in the same damn spot

Thinking the same damn things

Telling the same damn stories

Feeling the same damn pain

The same pain that keeps me coming back to that same damn treadmill

And keeps me in this same damn spot

And I don’t wanna stay in one place all my life

I wanna move!

Be somewhere else!

Feel other things!

Nice things…

I wanna connect with people!

But the only way I can really connect with you is to be the Me

That I told you I’d be from the beginning

But that me hurts

And it’s that

Hurting kinda hurt that, you know, hurts

Your soul

Which is way more painful than pain in your body

So I still try to change

I keep trying to be someone else

Trying to hide the fact that I’ve always been myself

And that’s never been who I’ve wanted

And when it doesn’t work

Because it never works

I run that shit off

I run off the pain of failure

And the pain of rejection

And the pain of being a person surrounded by people

And I soak it

I drench it

I drown it

In the kinda pain that really rounds out your ass…

So I can get some sorta satisfaction somewhere

Ha. I guess in a way that’s me running in circles



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