That’d Be Good


I need to write about you

I need to tell you things

About how much I miss you

And maybe even about my day.

You usually listen.

Or maybe you just pretend?

I liked the thought that you

liked the sound of my voice

speaking to you

regardless of the content.

I used to write really well.

It always sounded nice.

Sweet. Silky. Saturated?

But those were words that

meant nothing.

And now they do.

And I can’t even make them rhyme.

They just don’t flow through me.

They don’t resemble anything even slightly

poetic.

Because I don’t feel poetic.

I just feel…

Left.

Lonely.

But not lonely. Just alone?

I feel…

I feel…

I feel…

Like I miss you.

And I’m not sure what it is that I miss.

I find my face contorting in ways that yours does

And it makes me smile.

For a second.

And then it makes me sad.

Because I just can’t see you do it.

Because right now it’s just a memory.

One I hold really close to me

but also somewhat far away

So it hurts less.

Because I realize that if I felt the pain

If I let myself actually feel it

It might actually hurt me.

Like nothing ever has before.

Because no one has ever quite mattered to me.

Like you do. How you do.

I might just be delusional.

Lost in the feeling of loss.

Anchored by pain, possibly imagined.

Maybe I like it.

Maybe it’s my own type of sanity.

And I’m trying so hard!

I like to say…

But I’m not sure I really am…

Not really.

I like sinking in the thought of you.

Letting myself drift on the surface of feeling.

Within the small possibility that you love me.

In whatever way fits you.

And you care somewhat.

And what I want isn’t just in my mind.

But actually possible.

Just possible.

That’d be good.

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2 thoughts on “That’d Be Good

  1. I felt that you were speaking out loud and I admire you gave it an audience. This was wonderfully written in that sense, I hope you the best in finding that you are not alone… You have your words and an audience. I will be glad to listen to the words that you mark down, your words will tell a good tale. Thank you

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