Great things come suddenly, unexpectedly, but completely with purpose.
“…I just wanted to tell you that joining a sorority may not be over for you! There’s an informal recruitment process…” Her words beyond the line just blended together…
What was she saying? That I had been rejected again? By not one group, but several? The idea was so familiar to me that it seemed comical. I smiled at her apology.
“No no no… it’s all right. It was really fun. Thank you for calling me. Have a good night.”
I’m not sure what I was thinking. I wanted to laugh, but I also wanted to cry. I wanted to scream, but I also completely appreciated the irony. So I was stuck in the middle somewhere. Filled with disappointment, but also with a weird sense of confidence… Let me rationalize.
The facts were:
I had signed up for formal recruitment to try and be a part of something that I wasn’t a part of. To be bigger than what I was.
The first day we went to the 4 houses and everything went swimmingly. Each one loved me and I met people that I had great connections with in every house.
The second day I had fun. I had a great time with people from the girliest house, but I also had a wonderful time with my original choice.
We laughed. We snacked. We joked. And I knew I had made an impression on everyone that I had met.
There was no third day.
I was called that night and told that the next day I would have nowhere to go, although that was the last day, bid day, I wouldn’t be a part of it. How intriguing.
So why? What now?
It dawned me that I had I been looking for the same thing I have always been looking for, but seem to always fail at finding. Which makes me think that maybe I should stop looking for it because it obviously something I’m not supposed to have. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
I went through the houses expecting to find one that was mine. One that shared my ideals, that would propel me forward in life. One that was full of people with similar goals. I went through looking for one thing, but I found something I didn’t expect.
What I realized was that I didn’t fit into any one house completely, but all of them quite equally, leaving me directly in the middle and not on any one side. I found something that I admired and loved in every house I went into. I found people that I loved talking to and related to in every situation I was thrown in. I laughed to the point of tears in every house and met people that I now adore and would have never met otherwise.
I did not become a part of a group like I’ve always wanted to be, but instead found myself where I have always been and somehow found comfort in that.
I did not assimilate into one group of friends, but discovered myself amongst many. In a way, that’s more of what I wanted than anything.
I was rejected, but I wasn’t unloved. I was loved by all, I merely wasn’t completely like any. And that, I think, is ok. I think I might be good with that.
Rejection in all forms is always terrible, but occasionally the effect is great. I know that I made an impact in their lives and I think that says more about me than any group I could ever be attached to. I think my ability to find common ground with all these people who rarely find common ground with each other is a compliment to my character. What could be better than that?
So here I am. No one’s in particular, but everyone’s. Here I am again. Directly in the middle and feeling pretty good about it.